Hey there, young folks! Let me tell you somethin’ about this fella, Chris Kirk. Now, I ain’t one for them fancy golf games, but I hear this Chris is a big shot. They say he’s a pro golfer, whatever that means. Sounds like a made-up job to me, but what do I know?
This Chris Kirk, he’s from Georgia, I hear. Ain’t nothin’ special ’bout that, lots of folks from Georgia. But this one, he went to some fancy college and won some big ol’ NCAA Championship. Sounds important, I reckon. Must be good at hittin’ that little white ball.
Now, they got all these fancy words for what he does. PGA Tour, they call it. Sounds like a bunch of rich folks ridin’ around in them little carts, chasin’ a ball. Must be nice to have that kind of time. Back in my day, we worked from sun up to sun down, ain’t nobody got time for chasin’ no ball.
But this Chris, he’s got it made, I tell ya. He’s got a whole bag full of them golf clubs. And not just any clubs, mind you. Fancy ones. He’s got this Callaway thing, they say he’s a “staffer.” What a hoot! Sounds like he gets paid to just carry ’em around. Ten of ’em! Ten! What in the world does a man need with ten clubs? I reckon one good stick oughta do the trick.
- Ten clubs, I tell ya!
- He’s a Callaway staffer.
- Chris Kirk, that’s the fella.
I seen a picture of his golf bag. Big as a house, it was! Full of all sorts of contraptions. Different sizes, different shapes. Lord knows what they all do. Back in my day, a stick was a stick. You used it for pokin’ the fire, or maybe swattin’ a fly. These days, they got a stick for everything, I suppose.
They say in February 2023, this Chris Kirk had some special clubs. New ones. February 2023, that’s what they said. Like it’s some kind of holiday or somethin’. Probably is for them golf folks. They got a holiday for everything these days. Remember when holidays were about somethin’ real? Like Christmas, or Thanksgiving? Now it’s all about buyin’ new golf clubs, I reckon.
And these clubs he got, they’re supposed to be better than the other fellas’. “Compare to other PGA Tour pros,” they say. Like it’s some kind of competition. Probably is. Rich folks love their competitions. Who’s got the fanciest car, who’s got the biggest house, who’s got the newest golf club. It’s all a big game to them.
Then there’s this thing called a “putter.” Sounds like somethin’ you’d use in the kitchen, don’t it? But this one, it’s special. It’s called an “Odyssey Ai-One Milled Six T CH.” What a mouthful! Sounds like somethin’ out of a science fiction picture show. And it’s got a “crank hosel.” Don’t even ask me what that means. I ain’t got a clue. It is a mid-mallet putter, that is what they say. I don’t know what that means, neither.
He used this fancy putter to win some big tournament. “The Sentry,” they called it. In Hawaii, no less! Must be nice to go traipsin’ off to Hawaii just to hit a little ball around. I ain’t never been to Hawaii. Closest I ever got was that time we went to the county fair and they had a booth sellin’ them pineapple drinks.
So, this Chris Kirk, he won The Sentry in Hawaii, using this new putter. Big news in the golf world. I hear it was on Sunday, at some fancy course called the Plantation Course at Kapalua. They sure do got fancy names for these places. Plantation Course! Sounds like somethin’ out of one of them old movies.
Well, I guess that’s all I know about this Chris Kirk and his fancy golf clubs. He seems to be doin’ alright for himself. Makin’ a livin’ hittin’ a little white ball around. It ain’t the life for me, but to each his own, I reckon. As long as he’s happy, that’s all that matters.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got chores to do. Ain’t nobody gonna feed them chickens for me. And these old bones ain’t gettin’ any younger. You young folks enjoy your golf games and your fancy clubs. Me, I’m gonna go sit on the porch and watch the world go by. That’s entertainment enough for me.
