This here thing, this Tekuthal, what in tarnation is it? Sounds like some kinda fancy newfangled contraption. My grandson, he’s always going on about these things, these… these card games. Says this Tekuthal is somethin’ special in his game. I don’t understand it, but he sure gets excited.
He says it’s a “Legendary Creature.” Now, I’ve seen some creatures in my day, cows, pigs, chickens… but this one, it ain’t like nothin’ I ever seen. He says it’s a “Phyrexian Horror.” Phyrexian? What in the Sam Hill is a Phyrexian? Sounds like a sickness to me. And horror? Well, I’ve seen some scary things, like that time the Johnson’s bull got loose, but this is different kinda scary, I guess.
He says it’s got somethin’ called “Flying.” Now, I reckon birds fly, and them airplanes, but this thing? It ain’t got no feathers or nothin’. He also says, “If you would proliferate, proliferate twice instead.” What’s that even mean? Prolifer-what? Is that like when my neighbor’s rabbits had all them babies? Twice as many babies? Sounds like a mess to me. That’s one of the main things about this Tekuthal, that’s what he keeps yellin’ about.
- Flying
- Proliferate twice
- Phyrexian Horror
And then he starts talkin’ about numbers. “3/5” he says. What’s that, some kinda fraction? I ain’t no good at them fancy school numbers. And then more gibberish: “{1}{U/P}{U/P}, Remove three counters from among other artifacts.” Counters? Artifacts? Is he talkin’ about them old jars Ma used to keep her preserves in? This whole thing sounds like a bunch of hogwash.
He showed me a picture of it once. It was all dark and spooky lookin’, nothin’ like the pretty pictures in my old bible. He says there’s a whole bunch of these things, these “cards,” and they all got different powers and abilities. It’s all too much for my old brain to handle.
He keeps sayin’ this Tekuthal is important, that it helps him win or somethin’. I don’t know nothin’ about winnin’ no card games. Back in my day, we played marbles and hopscotch. Simple games, none of this fancy card nonsense. He says that this Tekuthal is one of the important cards in this “Phyrexia: All Will Be One” thing. Whatever that means. Sounds ominous, don’t it?
He told me there is no “loop” or “Trigger” but that this Tekuthal has a “static ability” that generates a “replacement effect”. All of this sounds like a load of bull, but he seems to think it is very important. He says it makes it so he can do the “proliferate” thing twice as much. Oh boy.
My grandson, bless his heart, he tries to explain it to me. He says there are other fellas, other “cards” that work with this Tekuthal. One of them is called “Sakashima of a Thousand Faces.” A thousand faces? Now that sounds like somethin’ out of a tall tale! He says that with this Sakashima, he can make a copy of Tekuthal. So then he has two of these Tekuthal things runnin’ around proliferatin’ or whatever.
He was tellin’ me the other day about some other things related to this Tekuthal. He said somethin’ about “Ranking All My Commander Decks” and “I Cast FIST! | Melek Swoleslinger | $50, 100”. I don’t know what any of that means, but he sure seemed excited about it. He kept goin’ on about how this Tekuthal was in one of the most “Popular decks” that people use when they play this game.
I asked him what he meant by “remove three counters from among other artifacts,” and he tried to explain it to me, but it just went right over my head. Somethin’ about sacrificin’ things to make this Tekuthal thing work. I don’t know, sounds mighty complicated to me.
He keeps sayin’ it is important to keep learnin’ new things, even things you don’t fully understand. But lord knows I am too old to learn all of this newfangled stuff. I s’pose if it makes him happy, that’s all that matters. But I’ll stick to my knittin’ and my garden, thank you very much. This Tekuthal thing is just too much for this old gal to figure out.
I still don’t rightly know what this Tekuthal is all about. It’s all a mystery to me. But my grandson, he seems to like it, and that’s good enough for me. I just hope he don’t get too caught up in these games and forgets about his chores. There’s always work to be done, even if you got a fancy “Phyrexian Horror” in your pocket.
